sad realization.

Eating: Nothing
Drinking: Water
Listening To: Nothing
Thinking: How much I miss Opa.
Feeling: Okay.

So just now I was singing a song and wearing my Opa's shirt. After a second I thought of what day it was, and realized it's my Opa's birthday. He would have been 81 today.

How strange it is still, even almost two years after his death. I still cry whenever I sing the song I just sang (Show Me the Meaning [of Being Lonely] by Backstreet Boys), and it hurts a little more knowing it's Opa's birthday.

I always thought of Cookie and Opa as just that: Cookie and Opa. Now that I'm getting cards from Cookie and they're signed just by her, it feels really...empty. I used to always love reading Opa's wacky handwriting, telling me all kinds of stories in cards.

I'm sorry if I keep blabbing about him everyone, it just was a tough loss to go through. He was the first person close to me, truly close to me, that died. The worst blow that comes with it is that I wasn't there...I only saw him 9 months before he passed, and even then he looked very well, only he was going blind in one eye.

I sleep with the tiger Cookie gave me every night; it was a gift given to him by one of the nurses when he was in the hospital weeks before his death. He was blind either right before or right after that. I also have his official G.WIZ polo that he wore a lot; it's a faded black now. It still smells like him...I hope it never loses that smell.

Cookie comes to visit in about a month. I'm really excited to see her...I'm glad that I'm seeing her more often than I had when I was growing up. The problem is, it'll be even harder to go through her death than Opa's.