Dreams are a pain in the butt, especially for me. I can't stand how they can always leave someone wanting what they entailed. I'm going to pour my heart out here, so bear with me.
I dreamed I was out with friends, and I lied about where I had gone. I was secretly going to spend the evening with my ex. Well, we ended up together, and then he pulled one of his lovely tricks on me like he did in high school. After that, I became really hurt and upset, and then the dream shifted to me reading the school newspaper, and there was an ad dedicated to me from him, telling me how sorry he was for what he'd done, that he loved me and he didn't mean to hurt me. Then he popped the question in the ad. I looked up from the paper and there he was. Of course, I had exclaimed "yes" and hugged and kissed him. The dream kind of shifted again to more drama, and then I woke up.
I'm vague because I don't want people to recognize who this is about. If you know me well enough, you'll know who it entails. But really, I hated this dream. It made me happy, but then it made me long for its ending. I realized after that dream how much I really want to be with him. But, unfortunately, that can never happen. I hate reality and hate how I can never take the chance I want to take. He'll never care for me in that way anymore, and my heart aches because of it. I know that I can move on and find someone else and be happy with them, but I'll never get over him. He knows it, but does he care? I doubt it. I hate to think so badly of him, but in all honesty, I don't think it ever crossed his mind.
I guess all I can do is dream for the rest of my life. What a sad thought.
I dreamed I was out with friends, and I lied about where I had gone. I was secretly going to spend the evening with my ex. Well, we ended up together, and then he pulled one of his lovely tricks on me like he did in high school. After that, I became really hurt and upset, and then the dream shifted to me reading the school newspaper, and there was an ad dedicated to me from him, telling me how sorry he was for what he'd done, that he loved me and he didn't mean to hurt me. Then he popped the question in the ad. I looked up from the paper and there he was. Of course, I had exclaimed "yes" and hugged and kissed him. The dream kind of shifted again to more drama, and then I woke up.
I'm vague because I don't want people to recognize who this is about. If you know me well enough, you'll know who it entails. But really, I hated this dream. It made me happy, but then it made me long for its ending. I realized after that dream how much I really want to be with him. But, unfortunately, that can never happen. I hate reality and hate how I can never take the chance I want to take. He'll never care for me in that way anymore, and my heart aches because of it. I know that I can move on and find someone else and be happy with them, but I'll never get over him. He knows it, but does he care? I doubt it. I hate to think so badly of him, but in all honesty, I don't think it ever crossed his mind.
I guess all I can do is dream for the rest of my life. What a sad thought.
1 comment:
The truth is darling, having had those kind of dreams myself over the years, that you don't really want HIM back, and you you are over HIM. What you are not over is wanting a man like the BEST parts of him, you want someone who loves you, and someone who wants to marry you (don't we all:), but that doesn't mean you really want HIM....You also want an apology for the hurt he caused...while you may never get that, you can apologize to yourself for letting yourself be hurt (I have done this so many times, that I think I have finally learned my lesson). That will help you to let go of the pain.....Again you don't really want HIM back, because as you already know it just won't work...( it is called a break up because it is broken)..... You just can't see anyone else right now in his place....don't worry it will pass with time....and NEVER EVER give up the dream of finding that perfect person, because you will....Trust me I was in the exact same place this spring, but when I finally realized it wasn't HIM I wanted; and that it was LOVE that I wanted, I was able to let go and meet an absolutely wonderful man. Hang in there babe...I believe in you!
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