Drinking: Milk.
Listening to: Sirens - Angels & Airwaves
Thinking: About how interesting loneliness feels.
Feeling: Lonely.
Yeah. I know the whole deal about never being alone because I have Christ. Well, it's kind of difficult to not feel alone ever. We're all human, and we all will, by default, feel human emotions. The past few days, I've felt pretty lonely.
I hadn't felt this way for a long time since I was with Seth for so long. It's funny how that is; now I feel horribly lonely. I have my friends, and I've talked to a few and hung out with a handful this summer so far. But honestly, since school ended and Seth and I broke up, I've been pretty lonesome. Some people don't answer their phones nor return my phone calls. I also don't call quite a few people because I'm nervous about the conversation going awkward or into a brick wall. I know my friends sometimes don't intentionally ignore my phone calls or call me back, and that's fine. I understand it. I just really feel lonely, and I hate it. I hate being cooped up in my house. If I had my license (yes, I'm almost 20 without a license. Keep quiet) I'd be out of here a lot of the time. I want to go out with some friends and take a long drive through the rural areas around my town. I want to stop looking at my phone's clock for hours on end and not give a darn how much time has passed. I want to just not care.
Sometimes I wish I were apathetic. Then I wouldn't feel so bad if someone didn't call me back or answer their phone or my text messages. Then I wouldn't wonder if I was being avoided or if something bad happened. I wouldn't feel hurt or upset by the intentional or unintentional actions of my friends. I just feel like no one gives a darn about me. I know that's crap, you all don't have to comment on that. But really, sometimes the way people respond (or don't respond) makes me feel those things.
I should do an experiment. I should turn my phone off for one full day and see if anyone contacts me. I'm usually the one to call or text someone, so I'm curious to see if I'll get anything. Not many people read this dumb thing, so it'll be interesting to see what'll happen. I've turned my phone off for hours on end before, and I've gotten nothing. Maybe sometime I'll not call or text anyone for a week and see how many phone calls I receive that are just-to-talk phone calls. Let's see how far that gets me. Haha.
I'll do that tomorrow. I'll not call or text anyone, and let's see how many calls/texts I'll get. I just remembered I can't turn my phone off because then I can't get the calls. I can get the texts, but not the phone calls. I'll report the data back tomorrow.
God bless, y'all. Pray for me, here. I'm going to lose it.
I hadn't felt this way for a long time since I was with Seth for so long. It's funny how that is; now I feel horribly lonely. I have my friends, and I've talked to a few and hung out with a handful this summer so far. But honestly, since school ended and Seth and I broke up, I've been pretty lonesome. Some people don't answer their phones nor return my phone calls. I also don't call quite a few people because I'm nervous about the conversation going awkward or into a brick wall. I know my friends sometimes don't intentionally ignore my phone calls or call me back, and that's fine. I understand it. I just really feel lonely, and I hate it. I hate being cooped up in my house. If I had my license (yes, I'm almost 20 without a license. Keep quiet) I'd be out of here a lot of the time. I want to go out with some friends and take a long drive through the rural areas around my town. I want to stop looking at my phone's clock for hours on end and not give a darn how much time has passed. I want to just not care.
Sometimes I wish I were apathetic. Then I wouldn't feel so bad if someone didn't call me back or answer their phone or my text messages. Then I wouldn't wonder if I was being avoided or if something bad happened. I wouldn't feel hurt or upset by the intentional or unintentional actions of my friends. I just feel like no one gives a darn about me. I know that's crap, you all don't have to comment on that. But really, sometimes the way people respond (or don't respond) makes me feel those things.
I should do an experiment. I should turn my phone off for one full day and see if anyone contacts me. I'm usually the one to call or text someone, so I'm curious to see if I'll get anything. Not many people read this dumb thing, so it'll be interesting to see what'll happen. I've turned my phone off for hours on end before, and I've gotten nothing. Maybe sometime I'll not call or text anyone for a week and see how many phone calls I receive that are just-to-talk phone calls. Let's see how far that gets me. Haha.
I'll do that tomorrow. I'll not call or text anyone, and let's see how many calls/texts I'll get. I just remembered I can't turn my phone off because then I can't get the calls. I can get the texts, but not the phone calls. I'll report the data back tomorrow.
God bless, y'all. Pray for me, here. I'm going to lose it.
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